


The Adventure Begins

by Madquinn13



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, dnd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2020-11-22 14:57:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20876102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madquinn13/pseuds/Madquinn13
Summary: Laura decides that instead of a regular game nights their little family should instead play Dungeons and Dragons.Carmilla is reluctant to while Game Nights always involves everyone taking our their place.OrThe DnD fic that no one asked for





	1. The Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Character sheets:  
Danny: https://www.dndbeyond.com/profile/Madquinn13/characters/17304701  
Mel: https://www.dndbeyond.com/profile/Madquinn13/characters/17303951  
Kirsch: https://www.dndbeyond.com/profile/Madquinn13/characters/17303643  
Laura: https://www.dndbeyond.com/profile/Madquinn13/characters/17304098  
Perry: https://www.dndbeyond.com/profile/Madquinn13/characters/17303882  
Carmilla: https://www.dndbeyond.com/profile/Madquinn13/characters/17302856
> 
> So all of the stats that required to be rolled I rolled.   
Each time a roll is needed I will roll and go with what I rolled to keep it authentic.   
Cards on the table I had all but Laura and Carmilla's characters randomly generated. 
> 
> This first adventure they go on is based on the first adventure done by the Oxventure Crew (aka OutsideXbox and OutsideXtra.) Others will most likely be from DnD books.

Carmilla didn’t know how she allowed this to start. Let the Nitwit squad do anything and they go too far. 

She needed to start saying no to Laura. 

Regular game nights with the Nitwit Squad now has turned into the mad scientist creating a DnD campaign. So now they had taken over Carmilla’s home (Carmilla and Laura’s home but still it was her safe haven) and were having one on one meetings with LaF to build their characters. 

She wanted to just get drunk and ignore the group but no Laura thought it would be fun to commit to 4 hours one night every week for the rest of their lives. 

“Carm I’m going with LaF to make my character be nice.” Laura warned before disappearing into their bedroom. 

“Fuck this I’m getting drunk.” 

…

“So let’s start off with basics, Frosh, what is the race of your character?” LaF passed Laura the sheet with each race and a summary of them. 

“Uh...human is boring...if I go with gnome, halfling or dwarf that’s just gonna be short jokes...orc’s are ugly...I’m going with half elf.”

“Half elf. Okay. Now you need to pick a class.”

“Which would be like a sneaky spy?” 

“Rogue.”

“I want that.”

“Rogues are also commonly thieves.”

“That’s cool. I want to be a rogue.” 

“Okay. Alignment?” LaF passed her the papers explaining each one. 

“Chaotic Good.” 

“Well you did bring about the end of the world just to save your roommate.” 

“Didn’t hear you complain when it saved you.” 

“This is a D20, you are going to roll it and tell me what you rolled and I’ll put it into your character sheet so you can get your stats. Strength is first.” 

Laura rubbed her hands together before she rolled the die. “18. That’s good right?”

“Very. Now it’s Dex.”

“18.”

“Constitution?”

“18...is this a loaded die?” 

“No you’re just lucky right now with rolling. Intelligence?”

“18…”

“If you weren’t rolling in front of me I wouldn’t believe you. Wisdom?”

“15.”

“Finally not an 18. Charisma?” 

“14.” 

“Okay so when I ask you to make a strength check you’ll use a +4 Modifer and because of your race you have a +1 race bonus. Dex is the same including the race bonus, constitution is plus 4 but no no race bonus, same with intelligence. Now wisdom you only have plus 2, no race bonus. Charisma is +3 modifier, race bonus was included. Now the description. What’s the name?”

“Winnoa, with an I not a Y.” 

“Sure, background? You can make it all from scratch or go with an archetype there is a spy one since you asked about being a spy it’s criminal/spy.” 

“Yeah? Okay I wanna go with that.” 

“Alright so “You are an experienced criminal with a history of breaking the law. You have spent a lot of time among other criminals and still have contacts within the criminal underworld. You’re far closer than most people to the world of murder, theft, and violence that pervades the underbelly of civilization, and you have survived up to this point by flouting the rules and regulations of society.”” LaF read from their book. “You have a skill proficiency in deception and you can pick from animal handling, arcana, athletics, history, intimidation, medicine, nature, perception-”

“Perception? Like being a detective? I want that.”

“Okay. You also get another tool proficiency.” LaF took out the sheet and watched as Laura just zoomed in on one set. 

“Calligrapher’s supplies? I want that.”

“You’re not going to look at the others?”

“Calligraphy solves everything.”

“Fine. So you have a criminal contact which means that ‘You have a reliable and trustworthy contact who acts as your liaison to a network of other criminals. You know how to get messages to and from your contact, even over great distances; specifically, you know the local messengers, corrupt caravan masters, and seedy sailors who can deliver messages for you.’ Now it’s time to pick your personality traits, ideals, bonds, and flaws. So personality traits, roll this D8 twice.” 

“7 and 6.” 

“Okay so your traits are ‘The best way to get me to do something is to tell me I can’t do it.’ which to true and ‘I don’t pay attention to the risks in a situation. Never tell me the odds.’ Again you.”

“Well that’s going to be fun to do. Roll the D8 again?” 

“Nope, now we roll the D6 for everything else.” 

“D6...this looks like a regular die.”

“Yeah Laura, it is. Now roll it for ideals.”

“3.”

“Charity. I steal from the wealthy so that I can help people in need.” 

“Yes I am Robin Hood.” Laura grinned and rolled the D6 again. “3 again.”

“Something important was taken from you, and you aim to steal it back. And no Laura it’s not your roommate.”

“My mug.”

“Fine.” LaF sighed. “Now roll it once again for your flaw.” 

“3 again.”

“If there’s a plan, I’ll forget it. If I don’t forget it, I’ll ignore it. Have fun with that. So quipment, do you want a rapier or a shortsword?” 

“Rapier.”

“Shortbow and 20 arrows or shortsword?”

“Bow.”

“Burglar’s pack, dungeoneer’s pack-”

“Burglar.” 

“Kay, so you have leather armor, two daggers and thieves’ tools, and since you are a spy you have a crowbar, a set of dark common clothes including a hood, and a pouch containing 15 gold pieces. We’re done. I emailed you the link to your character sheet. Do not share it with anyone until we start the campaign.”

“I’ll tell Perry to come in. This should be fun.”

“It will be fun to see what our group ends up looking like.”

…

Laura watched as everyone else came out from meeting with LaF and making their character while Carm stayed on the couch sipping her wine. 

“Do I have to join?” 

“I think it would be so much fun if you join and I know you’ll have a better time than you think you will, just, try it for tonight and if you absolutely hate it you don’t have to join any others but promise me you’ll try to have a good time?” 

“Fine, I’ll go make my character and play nice with the freeloaders who are eating our food and drinking our booze.” 

“That’s the spirit.” 

Carmilla rolled her eyes and went over to their room. 

“Alright let’s get this over with.” She grabbed the sheet with the character stuff on it. “Alright I’m going with a female, Eladrin elf sorcerer named Xaverine. Draconic bloodline for sorcerous origin red dragon. Proficiency in Intimidation and deception. What’s next?” 

“Roll a D20 so we can get your stats.”

“8. 18. 9. 12. 13. 18.” 

“Okay. Not bad stats for a magic user. Background?”

“Haunted one with Arcana and Survival.” 

“Okay. Do you want me to read out the descriptions?” 

“Nope.”

“Roll the d8 twice.”

“7 and 2.” 

“You refuse to become a victim and you will not allow others to be victimized. You like to read and memorize poetry. It keeps you calm and brings you fleeting moments of happiness. Roll the D6.”

“6.”

“You’re a monster that destroys other monsters, and anything else that gets in your way. Roll it again.”

“5.”

“There is evil in you, you can feel it. It must never be set free. Roll one last time.”

“6.”

“You talk to spirits that no one else can see. Alignment? Due to the rolls with your traits you must pick an evil one.”

“Neutral Evil.” 

“Okay starting equipment, crossbow or any simple weapon?”

“Sickle.”

“Dark. Okay. component pouch or arcane focus?” 

“Crystal in the form of a pendant.” 

“Do you want the dungeoneer's pack or explorer’s?”

“Explorer’s.”

“Okay, you also have two daggers and a monster hunter’s pack since you are a Haunted one you also have a chest, crowbar, hammer, three wooden stakes, a holy symbol, a flask of holy water, a set of manacles, a steel mirror, a flask of oil, a tinderbox and 3 torches. Also roll this D100 for your gothic trinket.” 

“10.”

“Your trinket is the necklace of a sibling who died on the day you were born.”

“Awesome.” Carmilla deadpanned. “That it?”

“That’s it. I’ll fill out the paper stuff and email it to you.” 

“Okay. Have fun taking up my bedroom.” 

“Will do Carm!” 

When Carmilla returned to the living room she laid down back on the couch her head back in Laura’s lap. 

“Was that so bad?”

“I got a necklace from my dead sibling.” 

“LaF should have gotten you to re-roll or just lied about what it was. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Art mimics life and all that.”

…

“Okay everyone bring your tablets and laptops to the table we are starting!” LaF yelled out. 

“Really regretting not getting only two chairs.” Carm muttered reluctantly getting up and letting Laura pull her towards the table. 

“Okay first’s thing first we’re going to go around the table and introduce ourselves.” 

“I can’t believe you talked me into this.” Mel grumbled. 

“Family bonding is important.” Danny muttered. She wasn’t entirely pleased with the actively picked but she was going to keep an open mind. 

“Okay Kirsch you start.” 

“I am Kyrilu Softwolf a human ranger.” Kirsch grinned turning to his left to Danny. 

“I am Bettina Fusecar, a human barbarian.” Danny explained gesturing for Mel to go. 

“I am Elune the Half-Orc fighter.” Mel explained. 

“I am Halyona the Half-Elf Cleric.” Perry explained with a smile. 

“I am Winnoa the Half-Elf Rogue.” Laura grinned nudging Carm with her elbow. 

“Xaverine Elf Sorcerer.” Carmilla read from her tablet. 

“So everyone is level one. We are starting a campaign to ease everyone into this. It’s designed so that we’ll be finished at the end of tonight before we get into 50 hour long campaigns.” LaF explained. “Everyone ready?” When mostly everyone nodded LaF clapped their hands together. “So we start off like many great adventures, in a tavern. There is a man standing near the entrance nailing a piece of parchment to the wall before yelling. “We are asking for adventurers to help find the Duke’s son! There is a large reward. If interested gather at the foot of the hill by the Braithway Manor!” He finished yelling before leaving.” LaF just gestured to the group. “What do you do.”

“I raise two fingers from my stool at the bar to order another drink.” Carmilla announced before drinking from her wine glass. 

“Missing child? I Kyrilu Softwolf a ranger shall go find it as it is my duty.” Kirsch grinned. “He rushes to the meeting spot.” 

“Elune gets up from the table she was sat at and goes to read the flyer before going to the meeting spot.”

“Bettina gets up and heads to the meeting spot.” 

“Halynoa is already making her way to the meeting spot. She cannot leave a child in need.” 

“Winnoa heard the word reward and is very interested in the flyer.” Laura nudged Carm again giving her a pointed look. 

“Xaverine finishes her drink before going to the meeting spot.” 

“Alright so everyone meets at the bottom of the hill to the manor.” 

“Greetings fellow adventurers I am Kryilu Softwolf a ranger, are you all interested in helping the Duke as well?” Kirsch was so proud of himself. 

“Of course I am.” Halynoa looked shocked that someone would doubt her intentions. “I am a Cleric I cannot simply ignore an innocent in need.” 

“Who says he’s innocent?” Carmilla spoke up. 

“You think the Duke’s son committed some vile crime?” Danny accused. 

“I think that no one should be assumed to be innocent.” Carmilla fired back. 

“I think that I would like to hear more about the reward.” Laura spoke up. 

“The man from earlier meets you at the gate.    
‘Ah, you adventures wish to help the Duke? Hazzah! Come, come, I am sure with six of you we shall have the Duke’s son returned in no time.” He opened the gate gesturing for you all to follow him. Do you follow him in?”


	2. We're On A Roll Now!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The adventure continues as LaF tries to keep the group playing and Laura tries to keep her grumpy anti-social girlfriend from killing everyone at the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Character sheets:  
Danny: https://www.dndbeyond.com/profile/Madquinn13/characters/17304701  
Mel: https://www.dndbeyond.com/profile/Madquinn13/characters/17303951  
Kirsch: https://www.dndbeyond.com/profile/Madquinn13/characters/17303643  
Laura: https://www.dndbeyond.com/profile/Madquinn13/characters/17304098  
Perry: https://www.dndbeyond.com/profile/Madquinn13/characters/17303882  
Carmilla: https://www.dndbeyond.com/profile/Madquinn13/characters/17302856

“He opened the gate gesturing for you all to follow him. Do you follow him in?” LaF asked the party. 

“I need a refill.” Carm went to stand up but was stopped when Laura grabbed her arms. 

“There’s a jug of water on the table Carm.” 

“I can’t drink my own wine now?” 

“Just have some water.” Laura muttered. “Wionna follows him in.”

“Bettina follows.”    
“Kyrilu Softwolf follows Bettina’s lead.” 

“Kirsch you don’t need to state his full name okay.”

“He’s a soldier. He’s used to stating name rank and number.”

“Everyone entering the manor?”

“Why not.” 

“Okay so everyone is being led towards where the Duke is. The manor is fancy and elegant, picture the Dean’s apartment without the creepy death stuff. When you arrive in the study you see the Duke behind a desk, hands on his head clearly upset. The servant man speaks up. ‘M’lord these adventures are here to help find Dunny.’ The Duke smiles and stands up from the desk, he’s a portly fellow where he can rest his hands on his stomach.” LaF explained. 

“I eye the Duke and cast Charm Person.” Carmilla spoke. 

“What is your save DC?” 

“14.”

LaF rolled their D20 from behind the screen. “He rolled a 16. So spell failed.” 

“What were planning on doing?” Danny asked annoyed. 

“I was going to charm him into giving me the reward.” Carm shrugged. 

“We are here to help find your son Duke.” Perry spoke getting fully into it even doing a little bow. “Can you start by explaining what he was doing before he went missing?” 

“Hang on I have a question?” Kirsch spoke up. 

“Yeah?”

“I’m a Ranger. So does that mean I could be good at tracking? Like say footsteps?” 

“You’ll have to roll but sure depending on the terrain we can adjust the numbers you need to beat. Any other questions?” 

“Anything small and valuable in the study?” Laura asked. 

“Yeah some knick knacks and the like.” 

“I pocket the nearest one.” 

“Okay roll a D20 add your modifier. Beat a 15.” 

Laura smiled rolling her die. “19 plus 6.” 

“Alright, so basically everything in range that seems worth a damn gets hoovered up your sleeve without anyone noticing.”

“Why is Laura’s character naked? It’s very distracting.” 

“Carm her character is not naked.” 

“Are you sure? Her avatar looks pretty naked.” 

“Avatars are just suggestions, they are not set in stone.” LaF was already starting to regret this. “The Duke turns to Halynoa. ‘My son was in his room last anyone saw of him.’”

“I would like to see his room to examine it, for clues.” Mel pointed out. 

“The Duke nods and asks for his staff to show you all the way. The halls are eerily silent. ‘This is Dunny’s room. He’s an academic so he spent most time in here or in the library.’” 

“I search the room for clues.” Mel spoke up. 

“How about everyone who wants to look for clues make me an investigation/perception check? Don’t forget to add your modifiers.” 

“20.” Danny started. 

“22.” Laura grinned. 

“4.” Kirsch frowned. 

“One plus-” Mel was checking her profile to find the stat she needed. 

“That’s not how a Nat one works Mel. It’s a critical fail.” 

“Ha!” Carm laughed. “I got a 21.”

“15.” Perry read out. 

“Okay so Mel you don’t see anything but your own nose.” LaF explained. “Kirsch you focus in on a picture on the wall and see nothing else. Everyone else you notice a bottle on the floor and a rat running out the door and down the hall.” 

“I want to examine the bottle.” Carmilla spoke up. 

“Okay roll again.” 

“1.” Carm sighed. 

“You go to pick up the bottle and drop it to the floor causing it to shatter.”

“I want to move the painting I am staring at. Check behind it for a hiding spot.” 

“You don’t need to roll Kirsch, you move the painting and nothing is behind it.” 

“Anything under the bed?” Danny asked looking up at them. 

“Dust, some dirty tunics. Nothing of importance.” 

“I want to see the library.” Laura spoke up. 

“Okay. Anyone else?” 

“I’ll keep checking the bedroom.” Danny decided. 

“Library.” Mel spoke up.

“Staying.” Carm was making notes on the laptop in front of her. 

“Staying.” Perry nodded. 

“Yeah I’m staying.” Kirsch spoke up. 

“Okay so we have Team Bedroom and Team Library. On the way to the library you both notice a rat running off down the hall and into the library. Upon entering the library you see that it’s large and filled with dusty old books.” 

“I search the books for clues like a note or something he might have written.” Laura spoke up. 

“Roll for investigation.” 

“19 plus 8.”

“You find a flyer for a drink stand. M. Channail’s Cure All Miracle Elixir.” 

“Any books on a table or anything to show its been recently read?” Mel asked. 

“Roll.” 

“17 plus 3.” 

“You notice that there are books for studying types of elves.” 

“Is he an Elf racist?” Laura asked looking up over at LaF. 

“Not how the game works Laura.”

“Well Wionna is half elf, I don’t want to help some elf racist.” 

“In DnD its usually orcs and Teethlings that are discriminated against, not elves.” 

“Still. The Duke is human right?” 

“Yes the Duke is human.”

“His son is?” 

“Yes.”

“So they could be elf racists.” 

“Well you were in his house for a full two minutes before you robbed anything you could so get off the high horse. Team Bedroom, what are you doing?” 

“Can something be salvaged from the bottle?” Carmilla asked looking up from her notes. 

“Roll.”

“19.”

“A label reading M. Channail’s Cure All Miracle Elixir as well as a few drops.” 

“I use prestidigitation on my oil flash to clean it out and carefully pour the liquid into the flask.” 

“Roll for a dex check to see how carefully you move it.”

“17 plus 5.”

“You get every little drop in the flask without spilling.” 

“I search for hiding spots.” Kirsch decided. 

“Fine, roll and add your intelligence modifier.” 

“17 minus 1.”

“Minus 1?” Carm spoke up. “Your intelligence is minus 1?” 

“And your strength and constitution are minus one. Everyone but Laura has a minus modifier.” 

“Can I hit Xaverine?”

“You can try. Roll”

“I hit Xaverine with my shortsword.” Kirsch smirked smugly at Carmilla before rolling.”5 plus 3 plus 2.”

“Carm what is your armour class?” 

“18.”

“Kirsch you missed.”

“I want to attack him back.” 

“I can’t stop you but I will remind you all that you are meant to be working together.” 

“I am throwing a fire bolt at him. 16 plus 4. That’s a 20.” 

“Kirsch your armour class?” 

“14.”

“Carm roll a D10. That’s a D12. that’s a D8. There you go.”

“7 plus 6. Fire damage.”

“Kirsch how much HP does Kryilu have?” 

“12.”

“Roll a D10. You need a 10 to not die.” Kirsch held his breath as he rolled the D10. 

“10, thank God.” 

“You are at 0 HP, unconscious until someone heals you.” 

“I’ll heal him. I cast Cure Wounds.” Perry rolled her D8. “I got an 8 plus 1 healing. So he’s at 9.”

“Okay, you haven’t even started to search for the kid outside the house and you already turned on each other.” 

“Can I go get more wine now?” Carm asked looking over at Laura. 

“Yes. Just no more friendly fire.” 

“Needless to say the Duke smelt the smoke from Kirsch’s body and is not pleased.”

“I want to go to the marketplace to look for this stall.” Laura figured she might as well say it. 

“Yeah let’s tell the others what we found.” Mel nodded.

Laura was about to say something else when the fridge was loudly slammed. 

“Maybe we should take a break?” Laura suggested.

“Sure.” LaF nodded. 

Laura watched as Carm stormed off to their bedroom. God she loved her broody angsty girlfriend who didn’t play well with others but damn it she wished sometimes she would play well with others. 

“Help yourselves guys.” Laura gestured to the kitchen before going after Carm. “Hey come on, talk to me what’s wrong?”

“The red wine is all gone.” 

“We have an entire rack filled with bottles.”

“None of them are chilled or have been left to breathe.”

“You gotta play nice. We’ve been over this.”

“I know, don’t know why we can’t make these events B.Y.O.B.”

“Because some of our friends can barely make their rent. We gotta share the wealth.”

“I’ve lived through the commie times Cupcake. Sharing the wealth just means everyone but the fucker in charge is piss poor. Tell your friends next week the booze is being locked up.” 

“It’s been 3 years Carm, you can call them your friends too.” 

“My friends aren’t free-loaders.”

“Really?”

“I mean they weren’t.” 

“Next week we’ll have two bottles put to the side just for you. For now if you need something stronger than cocoa, go to Vodka. No more attacking the party members. You can kill us all and I will still make you play DnD. Behave and I’ll give you something special when everyone leaves.” 

“Oh yeah?”

“Twilight Zone marathon as long as you want.”

“Weekend long?”

“Week long if you want. Try and be nice okay? For me.”

“Fine. But next week we’re buying cheap shit wine.” 

“It’s a plan.”

…

Everyone was back around the table with filled drinks. 

Carm was now sporting one of Laura’s over sized hoodies. She was onto a gin and tonic now. 

“Okay so everyone settled?” LaF looked around the table at everyone. “Good. So we left off with Team Library heading to meet up with Team Bedroom and suggesting to find the stall Right?”

“Right.” 

“So I will remind you all once again that you are all a team. Just because you can hurt each other doesn’t mean you should. So Team Library and Team Bedroom are all in the bedroom of Dunny again.” 

“Okay.” 

“So do we need to say what we found or can we just assume everyone knows the deal now?” Mel asked looking around the group. 

“Everyone in agreement to go to the stall?” 

“Sure.” Carmilla rolled her eyes planning on how Laura was going to make this up to her. 

“Alright it’s a short silent walk to the marketplace. You see the little shop set up on the back of the cart. There is a line with 4 people waiting to be served at the cart. What do you do?”

“I join the line.” Perry smiled. 

“How open is the little shop in the back? Like can I see what’s inside with just a simple glance?” Laura asked. 

“Roll a D20.”

“19.” 

“You can see crates filled with bottles like the one from the bedroom, a sack filled with coins. The coins are in the middle so you cannot steal them without him catching you.” 

“Fine.” 

“Anyone else joining Halynoa in the line?” When no one spot up LaF just sighed. “Okay so we have a half elf rogue eyeing the stuff in the cart, the half elf cleric in line and just two humans, a half Orc and an Elf standing off to the side watching the line. Not at all suspicious.” 

“Soon everyone buys their bottle of miracle elixir and Halynoa is next in line.” 

“Is there a small child walking around singing?” Carmilla asked being met with a confused look from LaF.

“What? Why?” 

“She’s making a Sweeney Todd joke.” Laura sighed. 

“Roll a D20 Carm.”

“15.” 

“You got your small child singing. The woman in line before Halynoa is handing over her coins and taking the bottle. She goes to pop the cork when the merchant stops her. 

The cure all elixir has a bit of a kick to it. Best to take it at home alone in your bed. The woman nods and leaves. Halynoa you are now at the top of the line what do you do?”

“Hello. I am interested in learning about your elixir, I am a cleric so I am interested in learning how you cure all.”

“I am just the salesman, I do not understand the magic used for this, but if nothing ailes you, then drinking it could make you very sick.” 

“That’s fine I won’t drink it. I only wish to examine it.” 

“Alright. Two gold coins please.” 

Perry just nodded looking over her profile to see how much coin she had. “Okay so gold coins, I have ten, so yeah okay here’s two.” Perry mimicked passing over two coins to LaF. 

“You are given a bottle and the salesman gestures for you to move along.” 

“Is anyone who bought a bottle still around?” Carmilla asked. 

“Roll a D20.”

“Okay. 17.”

“A man who was two ahead of Halynoa is a few carts down. He is sat on a little fence and looks like he’s getting ready to drink. Everyone make a wisdom perception check beat a 17.”

“9 plus one, plus three plus proficiency bonus which is 2.” Carmilla read off the sheet. 

“2 minus one.” Danny frowned at her sheet. 

“11 plus 2 plus 4 plus proficiency 2. So 19.” Laura looked a bit too pleased with herself. 

“8 plus three plus one plus proficiency 2. 14.” Mel shrugged. 

  
“13 plus one, plus one...fail.” Perry sighed. 

“20 plus 2 plus 2.” Kirsch grinned. 

“That’s not how that works Kirsch, you rolled a 20 which is a crit which means you basically instead of just seeing the guy drink from the bottle like Frosh, you pay attention to how everyone around him acts as he does it. You watch the bottle clang to the ground and instead of a man sitting on a fence you see a squirrel on its back on the ground.” 

“Wait what? He turned into a fucking squirrel?” Kirsch yelled. 


	3. Grumpy Elf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first adventure comes to an end.

“Wait what? He turned into a fucking squirrel?” Kirsch yelled. 

“Yeah he turned into a squirrel.” LaF explained. 

“No one drink the poison!” Kirsch yelled. 

“...are you screaming no one drink the poison to everyone around you?” LaF doubled checked. 

“Yeah.”

“Okay I’m just gonna roll a D20 to see how much panic and chaos you caused.18 so everyone is freaking the fuck out, people are stampedding. The merchant starts to pack up his stall to avoid the riot.”

“I cast a fireball on the horse.” Carmilla smiled. “It is a cart stall pulled by a horse right?”

“It is, roll your D20.”

“14 plus 4 plus 6.” 

“Your save DC is 14 right?”

“Yes.”

“The horse did not get out of the way of the flames roll for damage.”

“Ten fire damage.”

“The horse is badly injuried and tries to run away as he burns you monster.” 

“I want to use my shortbow to put the horse out of its misery.” Danny spoke up glaring at Carmilla picking up her D20 and rolling it. “13 is that a hit?”

“It is. Roll a D6 for damage. The horse only has three hit points left.”

“3.”

“Yeah the horse is dead and the merchant is thrown from the cart in the sudden stop and is flung to the ground out of the cart.” 

“I pounce on the merchant and pin him to the ground!” Laura was far too excited at this. 

“Make me a, let’s call it athletics check. Beat a...” LaF looked down at their screen as if trying to figure out the distance a burning house would run in panic. “15.” 

“11.”

“He is just out of reach.” 

“I use my longbow to shoot him!” Kirsch smiled. 

“Roll.”

“Three plus five.” 

“Nope you miss.”

“I throw my longsword at him.” Mel decided. 

“You want to throw your melee weapon? Fine just let me double check the roll info. Just fuck it roll a D20 beat a 10.”

“19!”

“Roll a D10.” 

“2 plus 3.” 

“Yeah he’s dead. So you have a dead burnt horse, a dead merchant, a man who was turned into a squirrel and everyone in the village is screaming. You still have only a bottle label to go on.” 

“Do we need to worry about hunger?” 

“No Carm because I am worried you plan to eat the horse and or the merchant.” 

“I did.” 

“I loot the body.” Laura decided. 

“Yeah fine, ad 5 gold pieces to your pockets.”

“I search the cart to see if there is anything that will lead us back to the guy in charge.” Danny decided. “16.”

“You find a map with a big red circle around a crypt that says ‘Boss Man Make Elixir Here.’.”

“I found the location of where the elixir is being made.” 

“Wait! What about the kid?” 

“The singing kid?”

“He was singing to draw the crowd to buy the elixir right?” 

“Yeah…he watched you burn the horse and kill the man and is frozen in fear.”

“I cast Charm person on the child.” 

“Carmilla you can’t charm a child that’s disgusting.” 

“Okay save DC is 14 and...yup kid is charmed.” 

“I go up to the child and say ‘You are going to bring me to your boss and I am going to kill him and she.” Carm pointed to Laura. “Will rob him.” 

“‘Yeah okay M’am.’ The kid smiles up at you. ‘The crypt is about half a day’s ride.’” 

“Okay let’s find some horses that Xaverine didn’t burn to death.” 

“Okay so after wandering around the village you see two horses near a cart that can carry your party to the crypt. What do you do?” 

“Strap the cart to the horse and steal them all.” Laura answered for everyone.

“Okay, I am counting the journey as a short rest. The child is no longer charmed since that wears off after an hour. So have how do you deal with the terrified child?” 

“I ignore him. He already knows the plan.” Carmilla rolled her eyes. 

“Great so you follow the map to a large crypt with a service entrance, you drive following the child’s instruction until you see two guards outside the door.”

“I shoot him in the head with my bow.” Danny decided. “6.”

“The arrow wizzes past one of the guard’s head. Everyone roll for initiative.” 

“10.” Mel, Danny and Carmilla all informed LaF. 

“Okay so the three of you agree who goes first.” 

“17.” Laura and Kirsch both answered. 

“13.” Perry shrugged. 

“Okay. so Laura and Kirsch who is first?” 

“Me!” Laura jumped at the chance. “I sneak out of the back of the cart and charge at the guard that was shot at with my rapier.” Laura rolled her D20. “25 and 8 damage.”

“Okay he is injuried.” 

“I fire my bow at the other guard.” Kirsch smiled. “20.”

“Yeah that’s a hit.”

“6 damage.” 

“The first guard is going to swing his spear at you.” LaF pointed at Laura. “What’s your armor class?”

“14.”

“Yeah that is a hit. Four damage. Halynoa?”

“I cast bless on Bettina, Xaverine and Eluna to buff them.”

“Okay that is done. So now you three on your next attack roll a D4 to add to it. Guard 2 is also attacking Winnoa since no one else is close. 16, so that is a hit and 6 damage.” 

“Fuck I’m down to 2.”

“They’re gonna be dead soon don’t worry. I cast burning hands, it creates a cone of fire basically that is 15 feet.”

“Wait wait wait? Cone of fire? Can that hurt me?” 

“Friendly fire is a thing but Carm said it. So Laura roll a D20, get a 14 or higher.”

“16.”

“You dodge out of the way of the fire. 

“Perfect. Someone who can heal, heal me!” Laura demanded. 

“5 points back.” Perry smiled at Laura. “But all my slots are used up now.” 

“Okay, no one get hurt your celric can’t heal you.” LaF explained. “So the guards are dead, they didn’t jump out of the way and since you get to roll 3 D6s plus a D4 there is no way they do not die.” 

“Is the gate locked?” 

“No.”

“Let’s go through the gate!” 

“Okay so you keep going down the crypt until you come to two more guards. What do you do?”

“I stand on top of the cart and cast burning hands.” 

“Yeah sure. So that’s fail, and a fail. Roll your damage.”

“12 damage each.” 

“Yeah they’re dead.”

“Let’s keep going until we find the boss and kill him.”

“Sure. You guys keep traveling down the crypt until the cart can go no further. Everyone fine with getting out and walking down too?”

“Yup.”

“Great. You all keep going the kid terrified into silence. You eventually find a dead end of sorts, you can see a dwarf at a large caldron.” 

“I charge at him with my longsword.” Mel answered rolling a D20. “14.”

“That’s a hit, roll your damage.”

“4.”

“Okay. So everyone roll initiative again.” 

“19.” Laura and Carm both answered. 

“You can go first Creampuff.”

“8.” Perry shrugged.

“6.” Mel added.

“16.” Danny grinned. 

“14.” Kirsch looked a bit disappointed in himself that he wasn’t first. 

“Okay so Winnoa gets to go first. What are you doing?”

“I stab with my rapier then run the 30 feet of movement I am allowed..” Laura wasn’t even waiting to see if it was allowed she just rolled her D20. 

“20.” 

“Okay so where do you want to stab him?”

“In his eye.” 

“Okay you do so. Roll your D8.”

“8 damage.” 

“I cast fire bolt.” Carm smiled rolled her own die. “18.”

“Yup that’s a hit.”

“10 fire damage.”

“Great, Danny?”

“Greatsword.” Danny rolled her die. “23 and the damage is 10.”

“I am using both my shortswords, one in each hand to attack him.” Kirsch seemed pumped as if thinking he might be able to kill him. “18. And the damage is 4 plus 7. So 11.”

“Halynoa?”

“All I can do is unarmed strike….7 minus 1…”

“Yeah that’s a miss. Eluna?”

“Longsword again. 9.”

“Miss.” 

“M. Channail is going to cast entangled so everyone needs to make a strength saving throw and beat an 11.” Once everyone made their roles only Danny passed and was not restrained. “So no one can do anything unless they pass a strength roll to get out.”

“18 plus 4 yes I am free motherfucker!” 

“And that is all you can do on your round.” 

“I’m still stuck.” Carmilla frowned. 

“I attack with my greatsword again.” Danny rubbed her hands together before rolling the D20. “Yes hit! Okay 12 damage.”

“Okay you killed him.”

“Yay!” 

“Wait…we killed the druid who made the elixir that turned people into animals…” Perry was already pinching her nose. 

“Oh fuck we can’t change them back.”

“Well he can’t help, he is dead.” 

“Well I mean, Dunny and his father are elf racists so who gives a shit about them and I’m sure squirel guy was some kind of racist too.” Laura pointed out. 

“Yeah I mean we can just kill the duke for his money.” Carm pointed out. “Okay so game is over? Everyone is going home now?” 

“Do you want to skip back to the duke’s house?”

“Can we just say we murdered him and stole his house?” Carmilla asked. 

“Roll me a D20.”

“20.”

“Yup you murdered the duke, did you kill the staff?”

“No.”

“Okay. The mansion is now yours.” 

“Fantastic, everyone take your shit and get the fuck out.” Carmilla practically cheered as she stood up. 

“Carm!” Laura scolded her. “You guys can stay as long as you want. Carm if you’re tired you can go to bed.” 

“This is not going to be a regular thing!” Carmilla yelled before heading off into the master bedroom. 

“So next week guys, we’ll order pizzas and stuff and make a real party out of it.” Laura smiled. 


	4. Second Adventure

Laura doubled checked her mental list of things needed to get Carm softened up. Normally it wouldn’t take more than walking around in as little clothes as possible or just simply wanting and asking for sex.   
Getting Carmilla to give in to her was easy so easy Laura had to try and not abuse it.   
But one thing Carm was not lessening on was her ‘no friends over’ rule. She just wanted them to have some time alone.  
Laura had the day planned. Carm was sunbathing on their balcony listening to her favourite podcast so she was dead to the world until she either got cold or her phone died.   
Laura had the blankets on the couch all ready and comfy for a day of cuddling. She picked up an order of creampuffs from the bakery down the street. She had the O.G. Twilight Zone queued on Netflix, her yellow pillow on the couch. Carm’s favorite wine opened and breathing in the fridge. All she needed now was to light the scented candles and wear something that shows off her neck and Carm would be putty in her hands. Topped with the gift and game nights would be back on. 

When Carm came back in she was yawning, she didn’t seem to notice the creampuffs or the glass of wine. She just saw Laura on the couch and the nest of blankets and that sweet sweet yellow pillow before she collapsed on the couch curling up in Laura’s arms.   
“Learn about a new murder?”   
“They covered one I did...I don’t know how I feel about that.”   
“Do you feel shame for leaving evidence or a body to be found?”  
“No, I mean...I’m not proud of those murders...it was when I was first out of the blood coffin. I was starving. I was all alone and not exactly in the best mind.”  
“You’re not going to write into them about how you were the murderer right?”   
“And risk getting banned from their live shows God no.”   
“Oh I ordered these when we first decided to try DnD with the gang but I guess I can try and figure out how to return them with amazon.” Laura gestured to the package on the coffee table.   
“What you bought a bunch of nerd stuff for the freeloaders?”   
“Nope. Just two things I thought you’d like.”   
Carmilla raised an eyebrow and grabbed the package, ripping it open. There was a stone metal cask that had a hinge lid to lift up. It was like a crypt. Inside the tomb were two sets of dice. One was white with bright red blood splatter over them and the other were metal crimson with hard black lines for the sides.   
“I figured you’d like a set of muder dice and this was before you, you know went on a murder spree.”   
“You killed a lot of people yourself.”  
“Just elf racists. Anyways it doesn’t matter. You said no more game nights so no more game night. We can just spend all our days alone in our home watching tv and movies and being anti-social.”   
Carmilla groaned. “Fine. If you make them bring their own wine and food they can come over tonight. But until then we have no contact with the outside world and once they leave we go back to being anti-social for the rest of the week.”   
“Deal. I love you so much!”  
…  
Kirsch was the first to arrive. He was shirtless and wearing some weird leather harness that mostly covered his shoulder.   
“Hazzaa fellow adventurers!” Kirsch yelled as he entered. Carm on her spot on the couch groaned and reached for her wine because clearly she did not have enough wine in her system to deal with this.   
“Nice costume Kirsch!” Laura smiled before tossing Carmilla a pair of elf ears and a robe.   
“Laura…”  
“You don’t have to wear them, but we all agreed to dress up.” Laura herself was in her own elf ears and wearing some of Carm’s more Rogue-like clothes, leather pants included.   
“This is your hogwarts robe.” Carmilla inspected the item that was to serve as her costume.   
“I wasn’t buying a good robe for you to refuse to wear.”  
“This is a new low for me.” Mel had a two inch thick line of grey eyeshadow covering the area around her eyes all the way to her ears. She was wearing a bandana over her hair and her clothes were clearly a pirate halloween costume without the jacket, hat and eye patch.   
“Yeah well at least in 80 years you won’t remember it. Wish I could say the same.” Danny muttered in her barbarian costume.   
“Just wait a hundred years Xena, you’ll remember stuff but it’ll all be a blur of what decade it happened in then what century then you wonder what it actually used to feel like when you were human. When lives mattered, when anything but yourself mattered.”   
“And then you’ll get whipped by a four foot journalist.” Danny added with a light tease winking at Laura.   
“And the four foot tall Journalist will pick you and your damaged and brooding self over some jolly protective giant who is willing to sleep with students to give them better grades.”   
There was a blur before Laura’s eyes and she saw Danny pinning Carmilla to the nearest wall by her neck.   
“Don’t forget Elvira, before you became a normal weak living human, and we were on as equal footing as possible, I won. Your extra years meant shit and now you have nothing.”  
“I have Laura and we both know if you so much as hurt me you lose her in your life for good.”   
“I thought I told you two to play nice.” Laura warned from across the room.  
“We are. Xena keeps offering to demonstrate her dominatrix act, but I keep telling her I only get on my knees for one person and that one person doesn’t like to share me.” Carm shoved Danny off her.   
“The fighting already started?” LaF asked strolling into the room.   
“Is this Carm’s new way of getting out of game night?” Perry looked like she came from a plant based woodstock.   
Carm looked down at her shoulder and groaned.   
“Way to go Xena now we’re not getting our deposit back.” Carmilla moved away from the wall and looked back and saw an outline in the shape of her body creating a hole in the drywall.   
“Carm pick a fight all you want, you’re still playing. I’ll just make sure you do it fully sober.”   
“So a few days ago I spoke to you all to level up your characters. So everyone is level 2.”  
“We only gained one level?”  
“I’m sorry Carm did you want more for terrorizing a village, wiping out a family, and preventing people from getting a cure?” LaF gave her a glare. “I’m sure when you did it for real your mommy gave you a nice treat but I am a fair DM so I had planned to give 1 level for beating the boss, and another for saving the town. Now shall we begin?”   
Laura pulled Carm over to sit next to her at the table passing her the bloody dice set.   
Once everyone was settled with their drinks and snacks LaF started.   
“You all are gathering in the former governor's manor, now owned by Xaverine. Everyone is just relaxing having killed the previous owners the night before when there is a loud sharp knock on the door.   
“I pour myself a large ale and drink it slowly.” Carmilla narrowed her eyes at LaF before drinking from her what could only be called a goblet of wine.   
“I’ll get the door.” Perry offered.   
“Like fuck you will. This isn’t your house.” Carm snapped.   
“Make me an intimidation roll Carm.”   
Carmilla rolled her D20.  
“16.”   
“Pear please roll a constitution check.”   
“21.”  
“Xaverine fails to intimidate Halynoa.”   
“Hey Xaverine. You can take that ale and choke on it.” Perry snapped. “I get the door.”  
“I grab Halynoa and cast shocking grasp.”  
“Roll.”  
“23. Which beats an AC of 9.” Carm smirked before rolling the D8 for damage. “Full 8.”   
“Halynoa is hit for 8 lightning damage.”  
“I cast inflict wounds on Xaverine.” Perry rolled her die. “23 beats 18. And now 3 D10s for necrotic damage. Oh look 23. How many hit points do you have?”  
“12.”  
“Wow almost killed you twice over. Better roll high.”  
Carmilla looked like she was ready to pounce on Perry when she made her death save throw.   
“2.”  
Laura let out panicked noises as she went through her character sheet. “I never bought healing potions. Why didn’t I buy healing potions. Can anyone heal Xaverine?”  
“I can!” Kirsch grinned before kicked hard by Danny. “But I dunno how to use my spells.”  
“I can.” Perry spoke up. “Just say two simple words Carmilla.”   
“Are we sure she isn’t still possessed by my mother? Because she is acting like a controlling cunt.”  
“Carm! Make your second saving throw.  
“2 again.”  
“Perry! Kirsch! Heal her!”   
“If you don’t get better than 10 on this roll you’re dead.” LaF reminded her.   
“18.” Carm smirked and rolled again. “Ha! 18. Fuck you Perry. 1 more success and I’m not dead. 1 more fail and I die so I don’t have to play.” Carm rolled the die in her hand before letting it drop on the table. “13. Guess I’m not dead.” She gave Perry the bird.   
“I bitch slap Xaverine for 3 damage.” Danny smirked rolling her attack. “19.”   
“You bitch slapped her. Carm make a saving throw.”   
“17. 13. 6. 19.”   
“Back to 1 health.”   
“Two words Carm or I bitch slap you again.”   
“Fuck you.”  
“I bitch slap her again. 11.”  
“You miss.”   
“I jump in front of Xaverine and cover her with my body.” Laura spoke up. “I attack Bettina with my rapier. 23 beats your AC of 12. For 8 damage. And I use sneak attack since I bet Bettina didn’t expect me to attack. For an extra 5.”   
“I cast cure wounds on Bettina.” Perry spoke up. “Bettina you are healed for 10 points.”   
“I cast shocking grasp on Halynoa again.” Carm growled. “10 and 7 lightning damage.”   
“I stab Halynoa.” Laura interjected. “11 plus 9 damage. Uh oh. Someone needs to make death saves.”   
“I go to answer the door while they kill each other.” Mel spoke up having just run out of lives in candy crush.   
“11.” Perry read off the die. “15. 7. 18. I’m alive and cast cure wounds for 8.”  
“I attack Bettina again with my rapier. 14. Hit. 10 damage.”   
“I attack Bettina as well. Shocking grasp. 18. 3 damage.”   
“Uh...cure wounds is touch. So I smack Betta with my hand to heal her.” Kirsch read his sheet.   
“You smack her?”  
“Yeah.”   
“Roll a D20 and add 4.”  
“6.”   
“Nothing happens.”   
“I do it again. 19.”   
“You smack Bettina hard in the back. You injure her. For 3 damage. She passes out. Danny make a saving throw.   
“6.”  
“No I wanted to cure her!”   
“You said you smacked her. All you needed to do was say I cast cure wounds. Just like Perry did.”   
“12.” Danny sighed. “2.”   
“So who’s at the door?” Mel questioned.   
“You open the door to an angry mob the leader at which is a man which has the small boy from yesterday behind him.”  
As soon as Danny’s die hit the table Perry yelled. “I cast cure wounds on Bettina. 8 points.”   
Everyone was quiet and looked at the D20. It read a 7. If Perry didn’t yell when she did, Danny’s character would be dead.   
“Perry you don’t a free spell slot. Inflict wounds was 1, then you healed Danny, then yourself. That’s all 3.” LaF explained.  
“I do it! Can I do it? I meant to do it before the death roll.”   
“Go ahead.”   
“1…”   
“There’s an angry mob here!” Mel stage yelled. “I think they want Xaverine.”   
“We want the band of thieves and murderers who killed the governor. That includes you.”   
“Great. I use my Greataxe and swing it at whoever is closest. 19 hit?”   
“Yup.”   
“13 slashing damage.”  
“He’s dead.”   
“I use action surge to attack with my two handaxes thanks to two weapon fighting and I attack the next 2 closest to me.”   
“Roll again.”   
“14 and 15.”  
“Both hit.”   
“8 and 10.”  
“You killed the local farmer and his wife.”   
“I make my way to the door, pushing Elune out of the way and I cast Burning Hands they all need to beat a dex throw of 14 or get caught in my 15 foot cone of fire for 3 d6 damage.”   
“Out of the 17 left 5 make it out of the cone for half damage. Roll for their damage.”   
“16.”  
“Half that is 8. Roll of the damage for the unlucky ones.”  
“13.”  
“All the ones in the corn are burnt to death.”  
“Was the little boy one of them?”  
“No. but the ones who took 8 damage are one hit from dying.”  
“I pick up the boy by his shirt and lift him off the floor.”   
“Roll a strength check. He’s small so beat a 5.”   
“12.”  
“You easily lift him up.”  
“You should have been grateful I left you alive the first time and how do you repay me? You bring a mob to my door.”   
“The boy is terrified he stutters that he didn’t.”  
“I cast fire bolt in his face...for 5 damage.”  
“Yeah he died a horrible horrible death.”   
“I let his body fall to the ground.”   
“I charge at the survivors with two weapon attack. 17 and 16.”   
“You hit two.”  
“9 and 8.”   
“Those two are dead. So of the group only 2 are left and they are very very close to death.”   
“I sneak out of the back door, slip around, and stab both in the back. 1 with my rapier and the other with my danger with sneak attack. 21. 3 damage for sneak and 8 for rapier.”  
“Everyone is dead.”   
“Betsy! Gerald! Clean up the corpses!” Carm yelled. “After calling 2 servants to deal with the bodies I take my ale and retire to the bedroom for a long rest, four hours of which I am in my trance. The rest I am relaxing in bed with ale.”   
“I cast alarm so that as long we stay in the 20 foot cube no one can sneak up on us.”   
“Very smart Kirsch.” LaF was impressed with his forethought. “Everyone good with taking a long rest?”   
“Sure. Good time to get dinner.” Laura suggested. “I’ll go call Aburi Hana x Miku.”  
“Laura, come on that’s just mean ordering some nice dinner for us. Just order sun sushi for us.” Carmilla was focused on her phone now ignoring everyone else.   
“I was ordering for everyone Carm.” Laura sighed.   
“What happened to the rule of they bring their own shit?”   
“Carm I’m ordering dinner. Everyone is good with the aburi bento box?”  
“Laura you promised!”   
“Remember that thing we talked about, about doing it maybe on your birthday if the mood was right? Don’t complain about my buying dinner for everyone and we can do it tomorrow.”   
“That thing?”  
“Yup.” Laura popped the p.   
“Fine. If you want to buy your friends over priced dinner go for it. It’s your money.” Carm finished her drink before standing up and stretching. “If you think these idiots are worth like a week’s salary go for it.” Carm muttered heading to change her clothes into something more distracting.  
While Carmilla was gone Laura placed the order pulling out the card to pay when she was done she laid it down and Perry happened to spot the name on the card.   
“That’s Carmilla’s card.”   
“Yeah I broke my card trying to pick a lock. It’s fine Carm keeps forgetting my credit cards are just a card that connects me to her accounts.” She rolled her eyes.   
“Doesn’t Carm have actual professional lock picking tools?” LaF wanted to confirm.   
“I accidentally locked them in the drawer in her desk...she has this one drawer in her desk that she keeps locked and I got paranoid.”  
“So you decided that Carm, the woman has put you ahead of everything else, who loves you so much she lets us invade her home, her only escape from the world, couldn’t be trusted with a drawer? I don’t get how she hasn’t dumped you.” Mel raised an eyebrow.  
“Stop making it sound like I did something wrong, she’s the one with the locked drawer.”   
“What was in the drawer anyways?”   
“Bunch of books and notebooks written in German, or like ye old German. So who knows what they say.” Laura sighed. She was about to ask for their ideas on how to get the pages translated when she heard the bedroom door open and turned to see Carmilla.   
Carm was wearing the elf ears, but she was wearing some skin tight, either leather, pleather, or snake skin, so tight it might be looser if it was painted on top that really just covered her nipples and underboob. It had no middle, it framed Carm’s sides. Her pants were the hot leather corset bound daisy dukes that she once was arrested for public indecency for wearing in a public park.   
Laura’s mouth went dry, the blood rushing out of her head.  
“Thanks for buying us dinner Carm, Laura mentioned she used your card.” Kersch spoke up with his doofy grin.   
“Oh I paid for it?”  
“My card broke so I put it on yours that’s all.” Laura was quick to answer frowning when she saw Carm pick up the Hogwarts cape and button it shut over her.   
“Funny how that happened.”


End file.
